Stranger Danger!

Thunder! Lightening flash! Random tree branch smacking against the window pane! I snapped awake, my ears turned up for any present danger.

I looked left, I sniffed right, all seemed to smell OK as I softly walked down the stairs leaving my owner Lilly’s bedroom, my eyes closed half way in shifty concentration. For no reason other then my own sense of occasion I felt the need to do a series of different kung fu stances on each step during my descent down the stairs.

The kitchen was dark and altogether too scary for my young puppy mind. The whistling wind caused the out of use cat flap to flip back and forth with loud clicks. The tree outside must be immense as even downstairs had cinematic branches beating the kitchen window in tune to the lighting flashes. “So you’re this brave puppy we’ve all been hearing about?”

STRANGER DANGER! I jumped up into a lesser doggy form of the praying mantis “I warn you mate, I’ve gotta green belt black tag in gonna kick your ass” I made a series of practice swipes in the air, adding menacing looks to my intimidatingly cute puppy features. “You’re the last git who’s gonna chit chat surprise me in the dark! Use the bloody front door bell like everyone else.” It was at this point yet again that I hadn’t noticed where the voice was coming from.

“You do go on a bit don’t you pup.” A very, very small wrinkly old dog moved out of the light, it seems that with age dogs get very good at this kind of thing. “I am Nipper, messenger for the elder dogs, the hairy holders of light.” Nipper bowed his head and looked up from time to time as if waiting for something, he let out a little quiet squeaky bark to speed things along.

“Oh, oh I see, um, I’m Paul, Paul the dog and I’m the stealer of sausages.” Nipper shook his head in disbelief and looked me up and down forming some sort of assessment  upon my puppy person, emphasis on the ass. “Um, sorry, but this feels a little intrusive, and to tell you the truth unbelievably weird, so you can leave the way you came in little chihuahua Yoda.

“You will follow me now Paul, Stealer of sausages” Nipper’s left eye seemed to twitch at having to say this obviously stupid title. “I’m bloody going nowhere mate, its late, pouring it down, and I’m tired after all the jumping down the stairs stuff. So good day Mr Nipper, or more to the point good night.”

All I heard after that statement were two sharp determined claps of Nipper’s paws and the back door flew off its hinges as lightening flashed right on cue. What stood in that door way was a stray hound from hell! Its fur so black all I could make out were the dark red eyes, the pouring rain not even effecting him. I managed to sort of dribble “blurgle flagaaga maa waaa” before I passed out on the cold kitchen floor.

I love dreams they are the cozy moments where I don’t have to wait for food and everything is made out of stuff I can wee on. I never really like to wake up that much, but when I am awake a different adventure starts. Waking up now on the other paw, did not feel like an adventure, more of a nightmare.

The air wafted a pet shop scent mixed with a skip stench, housed in a dark wooden room lit by candle light. The dogs surrounding me were all unaware that I had regained consciousness. A strange bunch of mangy old woofers bit, scratched and shook themselves around me. “Buster, the chosen one has awoken, looks like a bag of moldy sprouts to me.” The gathered dogs circled me and began to hum and sing.

“The one with the voice, the sounder choice. To start the age conference. The time has come, now lets hum. To start the age of conference.” One dog seemed to get a little carried away with the humming, and danced a little while giving the tune some razzmatazz, he got a good old clip round the back of the head.

“Rise Paul the dog, voice of the doggy generation. we have a lot to tell you.” I stood up to my proudest hight, tail outstretched chin held high, I cleared my throat and said “blurgle falgaaga maa waa” and collapsed. “I told ya’ sack of moldy sprouts”.

Photos courtesy of Gregg and Michael and Flickr


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